The whole age-old debate: Who has it harder? Working moms or Stay-at-home-moms? WMs work all day and still have to pick up kids from daycare, make dinner, do all of the things an at-home mom does. SAHMs have a 24/7 job of house keeping, taking care of others before themselves, no sick days, no vacation days. Both have their perks as well. WM's have a career, hopefully a fulfilling one that provides extra income and makes the family comfortable. She has life outside of her home and family. A SAHM doesn't miss out on any of the big milestones of her children, because she's right there with them most of the time. I'm a SAHM and my sister is a WM. We each have things we envy about each others lifestyles. We each have things that we know we wouldn't be able to stand. Both of us work hard and have healthy, happy families to show for it.
Recently I saw this floating around on Facebook:
"Yes, my house can be a little messy at times, but I work a full time
job, commute 4 hours round trip, and only have two days off a week. My
husband works, too. If you work, and support your family, you
understand. If you don't work, maybe you should get a job and see how
the rest of us live, instead of making statements. Repost if you
support the "real" working mothers out there!"
The first thing I thought when I read this was "Wow... I'm a measly husband-moocher-offer, and my house is STILL messy..." But the more I read it, the more it kind of offended me. "If you don't work, maybe you should get a job and see how the rest of us live.."
I don't know that it is possible for me to have more respect for working moms and single moms. I cannot imagine doing what I do plus going to a 9 to 5, or doing it by myself. But ALL MOMS WORK! My kids ARE my job, and I take them seriously. I work hard for them. That means that my house isn't always perfectly clean. That means that there are days where I am ready to drop by the time my husband walks in the door. I don't keep a crazy schedule. I don't try to line out my day. I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. They are the schedule setters. Some days they give me an easy schedule - they nap, they entertain themselves, and they are happy. Other days they are sick, teething, don't sleep at night, are grouchy, and I spend my whole day hopping from one to the next trying to take care of what they need. When I'm sick, I suck it up, unless I happen to get lucky enough to get sick on a weekend (ha!) in which case I have help.
I kind of miss the 9 to 5, but I don't envy WMs. I know many of them get stuck with everything I just described, and more, on top of their careers. But I won't apologize for being a SAHM, and I will absolutely defend my "job." SAHMs may not get a comment on their messy house (ha, I would), but I have heard all of the following:
"You're JUST a SAHM??" (incredulous look of shock) Yup. I am, and I love it.
"How do you find your life fulfilling when you have no career to show for it?" Well I guess happy healthy kids just can't top a successful career or anything...
"Are you going to go back to work when they start school?" Funny, I didn't realize I had ever LEFT work....
"You're a SAHM and your child goes to preschool?! Don't you feel lazy?"Yup... giving my kids social interaction for a few hours a day, a few days a week.... running errands without hauling them both in and out of strollers and carts.. Yup, you can call me lazy, works for me!
I am happy for you if you are a working mother who is happy. I'm sad for you if you're a working mother that wants to stay home, because I know it sucks to be stuck doing something you don't want to do. If you have a career outside of the home, I applaud you. If you're a single mom, you rock! Just please remember - I don't provide "financial" support to my family, but I provide all kinds of other support. You support your family the best way you can, I will do the same.
Showing posts with label Moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moms. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Parking lot panhandling
My heart hurts for people who are going through hard times. My family is amazingly blessed and I try to pay it forward whenever possible. I don't usually hand money to the guy holding a sign on the street corner, but if I have a snack or a drink I haven't opened, I am glad to share. I am compassionate to a fault, according to my husband. I get suckered into things that make him roll his eyes. Yup, we're that family that buys something from every kid that knocks on our door and hands us a fundraiser packet. I can't help it (neither can he but shhhh, don't tell him I said so).
That said, I hope the following paragraphs don't come off as too harsh, because I really am struggling here. Our town has about 66k people and is the hub for an area population of about 300,000. Our homeless population is in the hundreds. One side of town has a median income around $31k while the other side has a median income of around $54k. There are definitely people struggling. In Houston and Austin, you see people panhandling out on every major intersection in certain parts of town. Here, you only see that every once in awhile. When I lived in those bigger cities, intersection panhandling bothered me a bit. I was raised by cautious parents who taught me to be kind, but cautious. I was mostly alone in my car and having a man I didn't know walking around my car was always a little unnerving.
Here, though, we have a whole different breed of panhandler. We have people who hang out in parking lots and walk up to you while you're getting into or out of your car. Most of the time these people are men, of every age and race. Most of them keep a fairly respectable distance, a few have walked right up on me. They always have a story and need money for something. Last week a guy wanted to follow me to the gas station and have me put gas in his truck. Today a guy approached me as I was getting out if my car wanting to sell me something (he said he didn't feel right taking hand outs). I always listen politely, tell them I don't have any cash, and continue on. Most of the time, they are polite and walk away. One guy got nasty but thank goodness he was one that approached my husband and me together.
My problem is this. I am a mother, who doesn't ever leave my youngest at home. I always have at least one child with me. And I am almost always alone with them. I hate it when these men just come walking out from between cars and start talking to me. Part of it is the stigma, I will admit it. Particularly the guy today - he was either not quite all there mentally, or he was on something. People are unpredictable and can be downright crazy. As a mom, it is my job to keep my kids safe, and stranger danger definitely screams in my head when these situations come up.
What do you do? Carry something for self defense? Call the police? Call the store and report them? It's so hard to imagine doing any of those things, because in my heart I feel compassion and pity for someone who has come to this method of trying to get what they need. But it is a war inside of me, because I have these beautiful, innocent children. I believe they are the reason I get approached - either people see I am a mom and hope I have a big heart, or they play on a mother's fear of having strangers around her chidren. My husband is a concealed carry license holder and wants me to go that route. I don't have the guts for it, although I may invest in pepper spray. I don't want to be afraid of these people, I want to live and let live, but I am afraid that a first time of someone being aggressive about it is probably still one time too many.
Tonight I will be saying extra prayers for those people out on the street. I pray they will have enough food to not be hungry and that they find a comfortable place to lay their heads. But, starting tomorrow, I am probably going to start calling stores and warning them when they have guys approaching people in the parking lot. I hope that doesn't make me a terrible person.
That said, I hope the following paragraphs don't come off as too harsh, because I really am struggling here. Our town has about 66k people and is the hub for an area population of about 300,000. Our homeless population is in the hundreds. One side of town has a median income around $31k while the other side has a median income of around $54k. There are definitely people struggling. In Houston and Austin, you see people panhandling out on every major intersection in certain parts of town. Here, you only see that every once in awhile. When I lived in those bigger cities, intersection panhandling bothered me a bit. I was raised by cautious parents who taught me to be kind, but cautious. I was mostly alone in my car and having a man I didn't know walking around my car was always a little unnerving.
Here, though, we have a whole different breed of panhandler. We have people who hang out in parking lots and walk up to you while you're getting into or out of your car. Most of the time these people are men, of every age and race. Most of them keep a fairly respectable distance, a few have walked right up on me. They always have a story and need money for something. Last week a guy wanted to follow me to the gas station and have me put gas in his truck. Today a guy approached me as I was getting out if my car wanting to sell me something (he said he didn't feel right taking hand outs). I always listen politely, tell them I don't have any cash, and continue on. Most of the time, they are polite and walk away. One guy got nasty but thank goodness he was one that approached my husband and me together.
My problem is this. I am a mother, who doesn't ever leave my youngest at home. I always have at least one child with me. And I am almost always alone with them. I hate it when these men just come walking out from between cars and start talking to me. Part of it is the stigma, I will admit it. Particularly the guy today - he was either not quite all there mentally, or he was on something. People are unpredictable and can be downright crazy. As a mom, it is my job to keep my kids safe, and stranger danger definitely screams in my head when these situations come up.
What do you do? Carry something for self defense? Call the police? Call the store and report them? It's so hard to imagine doing any of those things, because in my heart I feel compassion and pity for someone who has come to this method of trying to get what they need. But it is a war inside of me, because I have these beautiful, innocent children. I believe they are the reason I get approached - either people see I am a mom and hope I have a big heart, or they play on a mother's fear of having strangers around her chidren. My husband is a concealed carry license holder and wants me to go that route. I don't have the guts for it, although I may invest in pepper spray. I don't want to be afraid of these people, I want to live and let live, but I am afraid that a first time of someone being aggressive about it is probably still one time too many.
Tonight I will be saying extra prayers for those people out on the street. I pray they will have enough food to not be hungry and that they find a comfortable place to lay their heads. But, starting tomorrow, I am probably going to start calling stores and warning them when they have guys approaching people in the parking lot. I hope that doesn't make me a terrible person.
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