Monday, June 4, 2012

Mommy weight obsession

Being a mom is the most thrilling, wonderful experience. It's the one thing I always knew I wanted to be, and it's a dream come true. It's also terrifying, anxiety-inducing, and sometimes frustrating. This is my mommy story :)

RJ is a full blog entry all on his own.  He was born post-term, after 13 hours of labor, by emergency c-section. He had a fairly severe case if mecinium aspiration - basically he had his first bowel movement before he was born and he sucked it into his lungs. He was in the NICU for 12 days, came home at 13 days old with his days and nights reversed and a wicked case of withdrawl from the sedatives they had him on. He nursed every 2 to 3 hours until he was 8 months old. There was no stopping the nighttime nursing, I tried everything to fill him up. Sleep was precious. But it all worked out and he's a bright, happy 3 year old.

There were some things about RJ's start that made T's more normal start a little bit mystifying. Hubby had never seen first baby stools - wish we had taken video of THAT experience! I had successfully nursed RJ, but he started with a feeding tube and then bottles of pumped milk. I had never nursed from the very beginning and had no idea what to expect. T was 11 oz smaller than RJ at birth, and by the time we left the hospital he was down to 6 lbs 11 oz. He was jaundice, which I hadn't experienced with RJ. T never seemed to want to nurse and continued to look yellow. He was born December 19, and the jaundice is still very evident in his Christmas morning picture. I don't remember what took us to the pediatrician the week after Christmas, I think RJ had a cold. We decided to do T's 2 week check-up while we were there. His weight had gone down to 6lbs, 8 oz. So began the weekly weight checks, which were depressing because he only gained an ounce every 4 to 5 days. My whole life started revolving around feeding the baby. Pump, nurse, pump, feed pumped milk, repeat. T showed nipple preference after a day of bottles, so I switched to syringe feeding. Eventually though, he started growing big and strong.

I was working on the baby books tonight, which is what  this post. RJ was in the 75th percentile at 4 months. Thomas weighed in at 13 lbs 7.5 oz last week, which puts him on the 2nd percentile. I had a reason to be proud with RJ - we nursed for 10 months, when I was sure the NICU experience was going to kill that chance. Not only did we nurse, but he was big and strong. I'm proud of T's weight gain too, because he is now accelerating at a quicker rate than "average." I spend a lot of time questioning my parenting, and I know weight isn't THE measure of how I am doing. But that scale sure can make me happy!